Throughout my years in the field of holistic wellness I have seen all types of salespeople, and have been many types myself. I have been the kind of person that I despised, so much so that once I actually had to sit down on stage when I was selling to a group, and contemplate the morality of the method I was using. A method I learned from coaches with good reputations, a method they convinced me were authentic, but which I still did not feel good about.
Fearing that we will become the manipulator, the shadow side of the magician or healer archetypes, stops us from sharing the great gifts that these archetypes bestow upon the world.
Here are some suggestions that I have for you so that you can feel better about yourself when persuading others of the value of your work and the knowledge you possess.
1) Let go of the need to change people's minds. This does not mean that you don't try and persuade them, but that you are unattached to the outcome. Many people who discover what they know to be their truth, will get incredibly frustrated when they are unable to persuade another of that truth. Others will get frustrated or angry when they have a narcissistic need to be needed, believed, or followed. If your great gift of persuasion does not convince someone that they need to come with you, let it go. Some people are unwilling to change, unwilling to believe new science, and unwilling to do the inner work. Some may just have a different path with a different healer waiting for them. Let them be, and you will start attracting people you do not need to change, because they will want to change themselves, and that working with you feels right to them. This can be something that those of us brought up with religious indoctrination ourselves may need to let go of. Simply say: "I let of the need to change other people's minds!" The true yoga gurus are unattached to you following or believing them, they simply serve without attachment to the results. When we can truly do this ourselves, we become more effective at persuading others, and are less likely to become the manipulator.
"You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action."
- Bagavad Gita
2) Only share it with them if you know it is truly in their best interest. This requires integrity. I remember a moment in my life when I was penniless, and a client was standing before me asking for personal training, but in my heart I knew one of the other trainer's would be a better choice for them. Thankfully my honesty paid off, she referred four other people on to me. Check in with yourself. You have a powerful intuition. Let go of the fear that they won't buy, that you won't be able to pay the bills, that you won't be able to "save" them. From this place of mindfulness, you will know in your heart whether or not what you offer is best for another. And even if you know it is best, remain unattached to them agreeing with you.
3) Be honest with people. Many people will come to a healer because at some level they are still looking for the instant fix. Tell them that they will have to do the inner work, tell them that they may experience some uncomfortable emotional release, and that it may take a number of sessions. Those who appreciate the effort, will appreciate your honesty. Those who don't appreciate the effort required on their part may not come, but you will know you did the right thing. I was training a girl at a gym once, and I knew in my heart that she would need more than one session, but she said she only had enough for one session, so I buckled. It was only during the session that I found the courage to tell her she needed more sessions, and she rightfully accused me of manipulating the situation. It was a painful lesson, but thankfully one I have not repeated. If you intuitively know that it will take a minimum number of sessions, let the prospective client know before they sign anything.
4) Be transparent about your processes. There are parts of the process they won't understand, or don't need to understand in order to benefit from the healing. If you tell them that they won't understand, they are likely to mistrust or feel offended. If you withold information from them so you can make more money, they will pick it up unconsciously, even if they don't perceive it consciously. Buyers are very aware in the modern world. You can tell when someone is first and foremost about the money, right? The kind of client that will benefit from your work is very self aware. If your intention is to serve others, help them build their knowledge bit by bit, and know wholly and completely that what you are offering will serve them, they are more likely to buy from you. Give them the basics that will help them make a decision. Articles or videos about the benefits of energy healing will help your case, and leverage your time. You do not have to give away the whole kit and kaboodle, because some of the information will not be needed for them to make a choice. They may come, they may not, either way you will know that you are being transparent, and that is appreciated.
5) Trust yourself. As long as you can trust yourself, and you know this deep within, it matters not what others think about you. Some will project their own trust issues on to you, and no matter how trustworthy you are, will shoot you down. At the same time willing to receive the input of a mentor or guide you yourself trust to help you. Someone who sees your shadow without judgement, but who will keep you accountable to the highest version of yourself. You create yourself anew in every moment. Do you want to be someone that others trust? Trust yourself, and remind yourself of it often. A trustworthy person is someone that people know they can buy from confidently, and the more you demonstrate it to them, the more the people you can serve will see it.
Acknowledge your fear of becoming a manipulator, and take these steps in your business, and let me know what happens for you. Instead of focusing on what you don't want to be, you can focus on what you do want to be. You are a powerful healer and master of magic in this world, and shining the light on your shadow is the way to marketing your healing business with integrity. It always comes down to the inner work. Heck you know that. Choose love.
If you are still stuck, a complimentary coaching session with me will set the process going and give some intuitive insights for what may be blocking you. If it seems it is a match, and you need more sessions, we can arrange it, but there is no obligation to sign up for anything. I can guarantee that I will be intuitively guided to give you some good ahas even if you just do the one session, and I will only recommend sessions if I really believe you will benefit from them. Is that transparent enough?
Sign Up Here For Complimentary Coaching Session
This week I had a wonderful coaching session with a woman who was struggling with someone in a work team, someone who she perceived to have power in a number of situations, but not the inner power my client desired to have. She saw an example of a woman in power who was misusing it, an example of a woman in power who turned others off, and wielded it in a way that hurt others. Together we found how this woman was actually providing some very good clarity for her in her own self as she steps more and more in to her true self.
I asked her if this co-worker reminded her of anyone she knew in her life. The first thing that popped out of her mouth was that she reminded her of Snow White's stepmother. She was beautiful, she was powerful, but she misused that power and used it in a way that hurt others. An example from story, but this can be very telling when we consider the origin of many of the stories that we heard as young ones.
"The image of the Dark or Evil Queen has been largely represented by male authors of fairy tales and folklore as a wicked, dark force. She may also be depicted as prone to hysteria and dark powers, influences, or plots, as in the story of Snow White."
- Caroline Myss
In my clients case we see a brilliant example of what we don't want to become when we are in power. Whether man or woman you have seen examples of it. Yes, there have been equally as many men in positions of power who have abused that power (probably more), and the following example works for both. What stood out for my client was remembering the fear that she had felt, as a five year old child, of this character. The thing about the subconscious mind is, whether it happened yesterday or 20 years ago, the trauma lives on in the now. Calling it foolish or childish discounts the original wounding. At a young age she had learned to fear her own power, without knowing it as that. And now out of the woodworks steps the guardian of the gate, the woman who would challenge her idea about power, and whether she really wanted it.
This woman provided for my client a very powerful amount of contrast, which meant that it provided an ever worthier amount of clarity about who she wanted to be as a woman who has power. And we are not talking power over, we are talking a strong inner power that cannot be lost to another.
So, here was a list of some of the contrast she was seeing:
- Used her power over, and to hurt, others.
- Misuse of the power.
- Hiding behind her beauty ( this warranted further discussion as it lead to some interesting beliefs about beauty )
- Can't trust her.
- Hides information to hold on to power ( recognised as her perception, not necessarily the whole truth )
Here, at least in part, we are seeing the shadow of the Queen archetype.
"Challenges related to control, personal authority and leadership play a primary role in forming the lessons of personal development that are inherent to this archetype. The shadow Queen can slip into aggressive and destructive patterns of behavior, particularly when she perceives that her authority or capacity to maintain control over the court is being challenged. The Ice Queen rules with a cold indifference to the genuine needs of others--whether material or emotional."
- Caroline Myss
She could choose to stay angry at this woman, but that would only be giving her power away. Instead we brought it back to what this was telling my client about being a woman in power, about what she herself was fearing to become. The shadow of another person, which triggers us, is a very good indicator of what we are afraid to become. And it is a beautiful gift to help us determine who it is we wish to become.
As well as that it is important to look and see if there is anything about this person that is some unclaimed part of your own shadow. When you look deeper you may see something that you do not like about you, or something that you have not forgiven yourself for. Be willing to look deep, forgive yourself and accept yourself for those traits, and claim back your power. Get clear on who it is you want to become.
- I listen to my intuition as to the best thing to do in every situation.
- I use my powers wisely.
- I am beautiful.
- I trust myself, it is safe to be powerful.
- I have nothing to lose. Any power is a gift from spirit.
So now, she has a much clearer idea of what it is that she wishes to become instead. We just have to remember the very powerful and simple phrase from the simple man himself:
"Become the change you wish to see in the world."
- Mahatma Gandhi
In time the very people who have hurt us can come to be people we are grateful for. Grateful for the clarity they gave us about who we want to be. Grateful for reminding us that nobody can take our power away from us, unless we choose to give it to them. Grateful for reminding us what true power is, and how different it is to a version where others have power over us. After the anger and the grief, comes the forgiveness and in time the gratitude. Don't expect to get to this state of mind straight away, but it is the stronger path.
Yes, we have seen people misusing their power, it has happened for eons, and will continue to happen. What is more important is that we do not give our power away, or shy away from it, but step in to it and express it, recognising that we are gifted this power. When you claim the power that wants to express through you, it is simply a case of stepping back and allowing that power to express through you. It may be in ways that mother Theresa did, it may be in ways that Oprah Winfrey or Louise Hay would express it, but it will be uniquely you. Don't let another person let you believe that their power over you, which is really force, is true power. True power comes from within and is unshakable.
“The power of God is with you at all times; through the activities of mind, senses, breathing, and emotions; and is constantly doing all the work using you as a mere instrument.”
- Bagavad Gita
So, with all your healing powers, your gifts and talents, ones which God is enjoying through you, you have choices to make each and every day. Centred in quiet we can make those choices. Free from the nattering of the ego we make the choices which are for the highest good of all. Through continuous meditation and yoga practice you will find the power within you in the most dire of challenging times, and will find the strength within you to stand in your power, doing good for humanity.
"The benevolent Queen uses her authority to protect those in her court, and sees her own empowerment enhanced by her relationships and experience. Besides having a rulership position in a court, the Queen represents power and authority in all women. Symbolically, her court can be anything from a corporation to her home."
- Caroline Myss
Yoga, spirituality, science, adventures and more. These blogs are designed to uplift your days and help you find clarity.