Many of us learned from society or family that our worth is tied in to our jobs, our financial success, our bodies, our sexuality, our appearance, our degrees (or lack of) and many other material things. God knows I have allowed these to paralyze me in my time as I struggled to find approval that never came from others. When we can feel worthy independent of these states of existence, we continue to attract all the gifts life has to offer and feel confident in life. We are just not paralyzed by a need to possess these things for our sense of worth and are free from what others may think of us. Many people are aware that at some level they have tied their worth in to one of these. What is important to know is how to transcend that, how to see yourself worthy because of who you are. Here are some steps you can take: 1) Identify where self-worth issues are affecting your peace of mind. What do you think you need to manifest in your life to be valued/appreciated/loved/heard? Be honest with yourself, your subconscious is something that has been programmed since a young age! Be kind to yourself when you recognise how you have tied your worth in to any extraneous factor. Self-judgement prevents us from healing the wounds. 2) Programme your mind with the thoughts you would like to think about yourself. Affirmations can work in this situation, I believe it. We have come to our present thoughts about ourselves through thinking them repetitively. New thoughts repeated create a new state of being for ourselves. Examples would be something like: "I am worthwhile because of who I am." "I am a child of spirit/universe/God." "I am free from the good opinions of others." 3) Release the shame and guilt that destroys self-worth. Let go of the shame you feel when you are missing the very thing that you believe defines your worth. EFT is particularly helpful in this situation. Identifying and releasing shame is not something that we can always do by ourselves, and sometimes we need someone else to support us through the process. Be sure to find a compassionate heart to share with. 4) Chooses practices that take you beyond the influence of the mind. The goal of yoga and meditation is to take you beyond the mind. I have witnessed many limiting beliefs simply burn away as a result of daily kriya yoga practice. What kind of meditation practice calls you? There are many to choose from! Your worthiness is not related to what you have received in life, it is the core of who you are.
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Many people say that we cannot learn from fantasy because it is not real life. I will have to respectfully disagree; many of the great literary characters of this genre have helped me become a better man. I love the fantasy genre; it seems to evoke something deep within me, a sense of adventure or hint at what is possible for those who believe in the power of the light to overcome the dark. Whether it is full of magic, mythical creatures or great battles this is a genre that speaks to me. The messages I received from some of my favourite stories transcends the outer show, it is the essence of the characters themselves that speak so much to me. 1) The Hobbit Gandalf places an amazing amount of faith in the Hobbit, a faith that many of his dwarf companions do not have. Over time Bilbo proves himself to be a worthy part of their team. He is the odd one out and in the beginning he feels it. Over time, embracing the qualities that exist within him, he is able to build trust by simply being himself but also taking courageous steps. The qualities that Gandalf sees in him, the ones he does not even see in himself, prove to be the very qualities that serve the adventure. "Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I have found that is the small every-day deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love." - Gandalf Many of us feel undervalued in the world for the gifts that we bring. They are often invisible gifts, our compassion, our love, our strength, our wisdom, and our intuition. Our world all too often values the more visible qualities such as the warrior traits of the dwarves or the wealth of the kings. What if we began to place more value on the traits that are inherent within ourselves? 2) Name of the Wind The character of Quothe could be a great inspiration to many. Though he finds challenges with making money along the way it does not stop him from going towards his dreams, something I can relate to deeply. Ever since a meeting with an alchemist he is inspired to become one himself, harnessing the magical powers that so obviously exist within him. The university costs money, both his parents are dead and his funding is limited. He fearlessly shows up at the university to present himself before the committee who decides whether or not he can attend. Yes, he worries about the lack of money and the fact that he is underage, but his confidence in his abilities are enough to earn him a place amongst the great alchemists of his country. The money also seems to find a way to show up, he is simply encouraged to trust. At times his arrogance overtakes him and he makes more trouble for himself than he probably needs to, but many people have resonated with the depth of the character created by Patrick Rothfuss. And then there is the quality of the writing itself. This author evokes such awesome imagery with the words he uses, so much so that you are truly in the experience with them. You can feel the depth of despair in certain towns, the beauty of the music that Quothe plays, and the pain of the character who is retelling his past to willing ears. 3) Harry Potter Harry is an ordinary kid as far as he concerned. He knows that he does not quite fit in with the bizarre people in his family. Most of all he is mistreated for his gifts, condemned by his uncle and teased by his cousin. It is only when he is taken on an adventure and shown Hogwarts that he realises he has gifts for the world, that the very things he his teased for are what will allow him to fulfill his destiny. He fits in by being himself. We witness him evolving from a slightly scared boy to a man with determination and a passion to do the right thing, the classic journey of the hero. His relationship with Voldemort is very symbolic of our own battles with the darkness that resides within and the sacrifices that must be made to overcome it. It is only through finding himself in a supportive environment with steadfast mentors such as Dumbledore that he can bring out his gifts. It is a reminder to all of us that in the right environment we too can harness the parts of ourselves that we maybe have been afraid to show the world! 4) Game Of Thrones “Bran thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?' 'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones The genius of the characters in Game of Thrones is difficult to miss. We do not know who is truly bad and who is good, every character possesses traits that could be classed as good and bad. In some circumstances Jamie Lannister can seem like a loathsome #@$%, but in other places we read from his point of view we see that he is far more complex and still possesses human goodness. Even the seemingly good characters such as Caitelyn Stark have their dark nature that overcomes them as they commit foolish or unspeakable acts. She loves her own kids but is like the evil stepmother to Jon Snow, the son of her late husband Eddard Stark. This reminds me that each of us is the dark and the light and that the best we can do, as Joseph Campbell says, is lean towards the light. Some who grow up in quite evil environments are, with as much gusto as possible, leaning as much towards the light as they can from their lot in life. Then of course there are the Joffreys of the world, people with seemingly no redeemable characteristics and extreme cowardice behind a snarky demeanour. 5) The Ramayana Any fan of fantasy is sure to enjoy the epic Indian text, the Ramayana. This is far from pure entertainment; it has deeply profound messages for those with ears to hear. We could look at it simply as a story about some kings and warriors but the yogic masters who wrote it had far greater purpose for it. Each of the characters represents the shadow and light within each of us. Many of them are personifications of the 5 elements - earth, water, air, fire and ether. The great monkey Hanuman is an embodiment of wind, or the air element, taking great leaps over the land and inflating himself to monumental sizes to tackle the enemy. Then there is Rama himself, seemingly perfect, powerful and unstoppable, the kind of man each of us wishes we could be. He represents that part of us that is truly of the highest order, the part that we get glimpses of within our life. He accepts his role with dispassion refusing to succumb to the temptations of a lower existence. More than anything he exemplifies the king in his wholeness, the one who lives solely to serve his kingdom and is a powerful reminder to each of us as to what we could become. I could go deep in to the symbolism behind this, but that is for another day. Read the Ramayana for yourself, if you have not already done so. Meditate upon the words, what wisdom do you glean from it? These are just snippets of the wisdom I have harnessed from the likes of JK Rowling, George RR Martin, JRR Tolkien, Patrick Rothfuss and Valmiki (author of the Ramayana). There is much more that I could mention these are the points that stand out for me. And what I believe is that you will see something different in each of these stories for yourself. I would love to hear what captures you about them, what you have learned from them and how they have influenced your life. Here in Canada it is thanksgiving, a day when the collective focuses on gratitude for all that we have been gifted with. Of course most of us believe it would be beautiful if everyone shared his or her gratitude every moment of every day. I am certain that the ripple on effect is much more enhanced on days like this and it brings a lot of smiles when reading the facebook pages of others. "To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven." ~Johannes A. Gaertner It was only through my adventures as a Gratidude that I realised how challenging it was for me to express feelings of gratitude and I was surprised how much negative attention it received. Believe it or not there were days when I was challenged to share it due to the insults from those who thought we were an annoyance to their day. I grew up in a town where I believed expression of such feelings ( especially for young men ) would have been considered "touchy feely" and incited some form of torment. It often did, until I learned to shut it down. Joseph Stalin even said; "Gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs." It goes to show where a lack of gratitude can take us if we share his thoughts. I am not sure anyone can know how challenging it was for me the first time I did the Gratitude Dance in front of 600 teenagers, but they embraced it and my vulnerability had been rewarded. The positive experiences outweighed the negative ( and those negative experiences were only negative as long as I perceived them that way ) and I feel stronger in my life as a result of being fortunate enough to share it with so many. And now I want to share why I think it can make your life better too. "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others." - Marcus Tullius Cicero When I begun sharing I thought I understood gratitude's power fully enough, but I was way off. Gratitude has the power to change your life in to something truly amazing. Sometimes it is not always easy to see the gratitude. In the beginning when Brad and I shared our message we were living off pennies to our name. We did what we could and for all of that we were grateful. There have been many challenges along the way, but amidst the bleakest of days there were blessings to be found. Even in times of the deaths of loved ones. The trick was in finding those blessings. Now years later I am seeing that the constant and never ending gratitude changed my life more than I could have ever imagined. It took persistent effort, honesty with myself, and a desire to be happy independent of life's situations. Have I mastered it? I am on human journey, there is always room for greater self realisation. "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend." - Melody Beattie Finding the gratitude for the people and experiences that have hurt me has brought some of the greatest healing. Of course I allow myself to go through the stages of sadness, anger and even desires for revenge (without acting on it). I refuse to carry an insincere facade of positivity, but my desire is to find the best within all situations and to get to the place of gratitude for everything and everyone no matter how difficult it seems, or how much my ego resists. I would hope others would want to find that peace with me and we need to give in order to receive. When I am able to find that space of gratitude for them, I am a step closer to finding peace. Sometimes I can find it within a day, some of my greatest challenges I am still seeking greater depths of gratitude for. We probably have to experience all human feelings, but know that gratitude is one that we really have to stand up for in our life. A daily effort and the help of compassionate and understanding mentors and friends yields the happiness we seek. And of course spend time meditating, for it is through meditation that we can transcend the duality of life and experience the bliss that is changeless. On this Thanksgiving Day I want to send out a big thank you to all of you in the world who have taught me to be happy, whether through our friendship or our differences. It has made me stronger, it has enhanced my faith in our world and our people, and it has made me want to live each day in service to others, paying it forward. May all your years be blessed, and may you find the blessing in whatever situation you find yourself in today. There are many versions of the Bagavad Gita circulating, influencing the spiritual paths that millions choose to walk. A timeless text full of allegory and metaphors, it can speak to us at every level of our journey. Each time I read it I peel back another layer of the onion that is my spiritual casing. I have digested a few copies in my lifetime, each taking me on a deeper journey down the rabbit hole. The version by Easwaren sits by my bedside, a simple read and translation, easily digestible in the moments before I retire for the night. These last few weeks I have been ravenously digesting "God Talks With Arjuna: The Bagavad Gita" by Paramhansa Yogananda, in tandem with the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. I smile as the words wind their way through my consciousness as a much deeper understanding of each of the verses of this text is broken down in to the most minute of details. Suddenly simple phrases that I glossed over have taken on a whole new meaning. I had been aware of some of the symbology of the great battle, one that represents the battle that happens within each and every one of us who are attempting to connect with our higher power in every day living. Yogananda takes it much deeper, dedicating time and intuitive insights to the symbology of each of the prominent characters within the text. You will relate to each and every one of them, the good and the evil, because they exist within us all. This is not an intellectual thesis; this is based upon Yogananda's own deep intuitional dialogue with the truth at the heart of the matter. Listen deeply as you read and I trust you will feel the words yourself, in a space just behind the intellectual meaning of them. "Material desire is the supreme ruler in the person who does not meditate." Over the years I have meditated daily, and in the few years that I have been following the guidance of Yogiraj Gurunath Siddhanath the experience has become that much more blissful. But the path has not been devoid of challenges, and at times it has felt like there was nobody to turn to who could share their authentic experience of the path. At times it has been difficult to remind myself that I have been making progress when the din of life's responsibilities drown out the bliss on the dark days. Yogananda provides that voice of encouragement for me on many occasions and this book hits the mark beautifully for me. I seem to pick it up to read it and catch the exact words I need to hear that day. "He feels distressed and bewildered realising he has neither passing pleasures, nor inner joys. Since he has neither, he pacifies his discouragement by proclaiming he wants neither. If he doesn't pull himself out of this indifference, he becomes a slothful devotee whose spiritual life will stagnate and die. But if he continues to persevere, he finds that this state is only a momentary vacuum in his sahdana ( spiritual practice )." A few months ago I could not see the point of all this meditating as I was not experiencing the joys inwardly and it seemed like nothing but setback was happening in the world of earthly pleasures. I was doubting the point of even seeking this idea of God, one I was seeking based only upon the proclaimed experience of another who had been there first. But intuitively I trust the wisdom of Yogiraj Gurunath and from somewhere inside I am grateful that I found the strength to persevere because the faith in my chosen path is greater than it has been for a long time. "The beginner devotee, nevertheless, may be so attached to immediate material passions that he passes through these periods of irrational doubt in which he does not crave the bliss and security of the cosmic consciousness, with its mastery over the three worlds." If I did not have some material desires I would probably be enjoying a life in some other realm altogether. Through the practice of my meditation and what I term the grace of God, I am blessed with the material desires that want to be experienced. At the same time I am released of the attachment to them. There have been many material desires in my past, some fulfilled, some still waiting for their moment in the sun. There are many that I am enjoying in my life at the moment and this text reminds me of the source of all of them. And if ever the fear of losing them rears its head I have the wisdom from the great sages and the practice of Kriya Yoga, my Excalibur (the sword of truth), to keep me on track. This path has required dedication and concentration and relinquishing the doubts of not knowing anything about the happiness existing beyond this physical realm. It has required me trusting myself in the face of the doubts of others, knowing intuitively that this is my path, even if it is not theirs. After the end of the meditation I carry a new sense of inner peace with me throughout the day, one that was not there in times gone by. Our material successes can be measured due their tangible nature, our spiritual successes can only be known inwardly by the level of peace we experience. This book comes (in two volumes) with a hearty recommendation from me. The volumes themselves are beautiful but they serve no purpose if they only decorate your walls. This is one to sit and read, write your own notes beside, and meditate upon deeply. Maybe you will agree with him, maybe it will make you mad, but I believe that you will find some purpose in taking the time to digest the words of this great yogic master. For many of us the word "failure" has been enshrined with shame, and we can quickly recall the multitude of failed relationships, businesses, exercise programs and spiritual endeavours. No failure is permanent unless we allow it to be, and by feeling shame about it, we make it's permanency more probable. In fact after this you will begin to question whether failure even exists in your vocabulary. This is the case as much for our spiritual growth, as much as it is for the material experiences of life. "On this path effort never goes to waste, and there is no failure. Even a little effort toward spiritual awareness will protect you from the greatest fear." I have experienced many failures in my time, but none of them were ever permanent and that is why I want to share the following tips with you. They helped me, and I believe they will help you if you are still burdened by the past. All my failures were slight detours from which I learned many valuable insights. Here are some tips I have for any of you who are caught up in your negative frame of mind about experiences of failure: 1) Let go of the feelings of shame. Shame yourself for the failure and you will stay down, unable to find the inspiration to continue forward. Accept the failure as a temporary setback, as part of the course you are taking, and you give yourself the opportunity to make another attempt. As long as you shame yourself for it consciously or unconsciously, the valuable lessons, the nuggets of gold, remain hidden beneath a low density shield of energy. It is more than OK to experience failure, in fact it is part of the pathway to any kind of success, material or spiritual. You may need some help releasing those feelings of shame if it is a new process to you. "The season of failure is the best time for sowing the seeds of success." 2) Be aware of how you talk to yourself, there is a big difference between "I have failed" and "I am a failure." "I am a failure" is a statement about you and when you carry that in to every experience you will create more of what you say you are. If you have let go of the shame, saying that you have three failed businesses behind you does not burden you in the same way. Many of those who have enjoyed great success talk about the previous failures with non-attachment but they do not believe that they are failures. Be aware of how you talk about your past experiences with failure, and remember that it does not define you. Your efforts in any previous endeavour will help you make choices in your next one. Others may you call you a failure, but it is up to you to decide whether you agree with them or not. 3) Acknowledge your successes often, expressing gratitude to your higher power for blessing you with them. When was the last time you said "I am successful."? I can guarantee you have experienced successes in your life. If you cannot recall any successes, I would recommend starting to pay attention to them. Grab a notebook, and for the next month at least, keep a track of every success, big or small. If you have spent a lifetime conditioning yourself to notice only the failures it will take a bit of time for you to begin to notice the successes. The more you are grateful for your successes, the more you will notice. With gratitude you will have humility in the victory too. It is a fear of our own arrogance that keeps many from enjoying success. So next time you tell yourself that you are a failure, do this exercise, and read over your previous success experiences. "A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else." 4) When you can talk about your failures without feeling down, depressed or angry, then your story is a gift to you and others. Making peace with your failures will send a positive message to all those you meet along your path, inspiring them to risk failure. I remember when I started sharing the stories of my failures, without the shame in the story, and realising how many people appreciated it because for so long they had harboured their failures as deep dark secrets. But while they are secrets they cast a spell on our life, one we are not aware of, and one that draws situations to us that ask us to heal the wound. Sometimes the experiences you call a failure are simply the universe prodding you in the direction of your true calling. I can happily say that for myself, and I am willing to bet this is a nugget of truth that resonates with you when you call to mind certain failures in your life. So lift your head up, accept the experiences you have had, find the gift in them, and move on! Still unread by many in our western world the Bhagavd Gita has nonetheless influenced the minds of great philosophers and activists who have shared the wisdom of it in their great works. I share with coaching clients the messages contained within it and I have seen lawyers, business people, teachers and other coaches make passionate stands for good in the world as a result of it. Based on a great battlefield in the text the Mahabarata, it is the story of Krishna and Arjuna and the conversations they have about the battle, of Arjuna's resistance to war, and of the liberation that comes through following one of the three paths of yoga outlined. The pages of this little gem brings forth wisdom I believe is much needed in our modern world. Many great principles are laid out clearly by Krishna, who guides Arjuna as his Charioteer, towards the enemies who stand before him. Much of what is shared is parable, and the enemies he faces represent the thought forms within our own consciousness. Read the words of 5 game changers who were personally affected by the writings contained within this famous text. Henry David Thoreau, author of Walden, was a philospher, a tax resister, an abolitionist, an ethusiast of simple living, and a transcendalist. His poetry, essays, books and articles have gone on to influence many others including Tolstoy, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King who seem to have been inspired by some of his thoughts on civil disobedience. Every time I see the name Walden in my life I am reminded of his words. “In the morning I bathe my intellect in the stupendous and cosmogonal philosophy of the Bhagavad-Gita, in comparison with which our modern world and its literature seems puny and trivial.” Helena Blavatsky was a Russian German occultist and founder of the Theosophical society. It was her wish that a reading from the Bagavad Gita be read at commemoration services on the day of her passing, May 8 th which became known as White Lotus Day. In her lifetime she published many writings, the most famous of which was The Secret Doctrine, which collated and organized many of the teachings of different spiritual traditions of the world. “ A Hindu is a born mystic, and the luxuriant nature of his country has made him a zealous pantheist” Albert Einstein has left an imprint on the minds of scientists and non-scientists alike, and his legacy will last beyond our lifetimes. His influence on the field of quantum physics, the theory of relativity and our understanding of time as we know it, is sure to be relayed by science teachers for a long time to come. His depth of knowledge in the field of science is immense, but if you have spent any time on facebook you will see that he has left wisdom with us of a spiritual nature as well. Yes, he has been misquoted, but the genuine quotes leave an impression upon us of a scientist who believed in something much greater than our physical world. "When I read the Bhagavad-Gita and reflect about how God created this universe everything else seems so superfluous." ~ Albert Einstein Mahatma Gandhi is known as one of the greatest peace activists of the 20 th century, and his acclaim of the principles of non-violence have influenced many subsequent world changers. His life changed after being thrown from a train, and he had to call upon all his strength and knowledge as a western trained lawyer, to inspire the change that came to India. Initiated in to Kriya Yoga, and a regular meditator upon the wisdom of the Gita, it is clear that many of the principles he lived by were discovered during deep internal reflection. It was after hearing Wayne Dyer say that this was the book Gandhi held so dear, that my forays in to the Bhagavad Gita began. "When doubts haunt me, when disappointments stare me in the face, and I see not one ray of hope on the horizon, I turn to Bhagavad-Gita and find a verse to comfort me; and I immediately begin to smile in the midst of overwhelming sorrow. Those who meditate on the Gita will derive fresh joy and new meanings from it every day." Ralph Waldo Emerson is one of the most oft quoted spiritual teachers of the 20 th century. A good friend has even named her golden doodle wonderdog after him. His ground breaking essay Nature, which formulated and expressed the philosophy of Transcendentalism ( which brought him and Thoreau in to regular contact ) was well received and lead to a speech called "The American Scholar" which Oliver Wendell Holmes considered to be "America's Intellectual Declaration of Independence". "I owed a magnificent day to the Bhagavad-Gita. It was the first of books; it was as if an empire spoke to us, nothing small or unworthy, but large, serene, consistent, the voice of an old intelligence which in another age and climate had pondered and thus disposed of the same questions which exercise us." These authors and activist read much in their time, and it is certain that many other books influenced them. I think you can agree that the beauty of their quotes about this book reflect something of the impact it had upon their journey, their faith, and their legacy. It was reading this book, and applying the wisdom therein, which has helped me out greatly on my path of self-knowledge. It has a special place on my bedside table, and any time life overwhelms me, I think of these five great people and remind myself that I may still yet find deeper meaning in the words it contains.
It is easy for those of use who are followers or "minions" ( tongue-in-cheek ) to see what leadership is doing wrong, and believing we can do better. Those of us who embody the judge archetype wish to stand up for righteousness and do not much like it when we see people making mistakes or misusing their power. The shadow side of the judge archetype is the person who stands in judgement of others, and criticises them, without becoming the healthy alternative, instead seeking to punish others for their mistakes. I have been that, and it didn't get me very far, especially when I noticed myself doing the same thing in my own business. Check out this video of the candidate Obama, debating the president Obama. Then, read on. "The old saying we become what we hate applies here. It is a sad truth that leaders of revolutions - political, social, economic, the little revolutions within the corporation or the voluntary organization - once they have ousted the tyrants and the oppressors ( often by violence and terrorism ) become themselves the new tyrants and the new oppressors. It was often said in the 1960s that the leaders of the peace movement were just as tyrannical and just as violent as those they fought against." - Moore and Doucette, King, Magician, Warrior, Lover It is easy to judge and criticise someone else in a position of power from our comfortable couches. It is another thing to be willing to do better ourselves, and step in to the person we would want to become instead, and give an example of leadership others aspire to. Only then will we realise the pressures that come with that power. And maybe we will realise that seeking power for the sake of power is not what we really want. So who are you being called to become? Look at those people you criticize, what do you criticize them for? What is the opposite? For that is who you are being called to become and is the person you can begin to step in to right now. Your compassion, your courage to speak the truth, and you walking the talk, will inspire leaders to be better, and will build your own strength as a leader. I have watched many clients who struggled with leadership, inspire the leaders to change, by their own willingness to change. The true leaders are not the ones at the top of the organisation, but those who are examples to their equals, and to management. "If we are accessing the Warrior appropriately, we will be energetic, decisive, courageous, enduring, persevering, and loyal to some greater good beyond our own personal gain. If we are accessing the warrior in the right way, we will, at the same time that we are "detached", be warm, compassionate, appreciative and generative. We will care for ourselves and others. We will fight good fights in order to make the world a better and more fulfilling place for everyone and everything."
- Moore and Doucette, King, Magician, Warrior, Lover There is a big difference between being wrong and a sinner, and making a mistake or sinning. When you say "I am wrong" you are putting a great big statement in front of yourself, and creating a whole whack of shame within you. When you say "I have made a mistake", you are observing an action, and you can learn and grow from it if you choose to. Knowing the difference will create a whole different experience for you in your life. Check out this story recounted by Paramhansa Yogananda: "I once attended a service led by a famous woman evangelist. During her sermon she shouted "You are all sinners, get down on your knees." "I was the only present who remained standing." the Master ended with a smile "I would not admit that I am a sinner." Having been raised in a religious environment, I was seeing myself as a sinner for almost all of my childhood, and even when I questioned my religion, I questioned whether I was wrong or not about that. I was afraid to make a mistake, to choose the "wrong path". And if I made one, I was quite competent at punishing myself. I believe we need to acknowledge the mistakes we know if our heart we have made. To refuse to see them, to suffer with pride believing we are immune to making mistakes, will keep us in the habit of repeating them. It takes humility to recognise when we have wronged another, a lesson I have learned in my life in painful ways. But when we admit it to ourselves, and to those we may have hurt as a result, we return to our centre, provided we also give ourselves the compassion we need. You may have been told by many people you were wrong. Wrong for believing in a particular God, wrong for choosing a path, wrong for listening to a specific teacher, wrong about your opinions. And you may have believed them over your intuition and inner guidance. Others in your life can be wrong too, and it is important to discern, and discover truth for yourself and about yourself. Trust yourself, trust the pure feeling of intuition within you, and forgive yourself for the times you listened to others instead of your own inner wisdom. Guilt and shame cause us to play out self-destructive habits in our lives. At some unconscious level you may believe you need to be punished, and made wrong, and so unconsciously or consciously, you do so, and end up spinning in your own self created hell. Let go of the need to punish yourself, choose compassion in times of error, and be humble enough to admit the mistakes you make, at least the very least to yourself. "Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes." - Mahatma Gandhi For each of us, the fear of being wrong can take a different toll on us. Some are so ok with being wrong, that they learn and move on quickly. For those who fear it strongly, and hence need to be right, life can be painful, as they avoid facing the error of their ways. Again, through becoming more compassionate towards self, you will find yourself being able to make mistakes without painful repercussions. In life, we will make mistakes, and if your dreams are to become a reality, you will need to make the most of them. It is not the sin itself that is the problem, it is the guilt we place upon ourselves for having sinned. Make the mistake, learn the lesson and move on, it is pretty simple, but for many of us it means letting go of the habit of punishing ourselves, which we have developed for a lifetime. When you make mistakes, be willing to forgive yourself, to let go of them, and be brave enough to make them in the first place. As someone who used to be incredibly hard on myself for making mistakes, it is far more freeing to know I can make them, and continue to walk on in my life. You are not wrong, you have made mistakes. Know the difference. If you struggle with this, find someone you can confide in, someone with the compassion to be able to guide you through it. One of the aims of yoga is freedom from the desires every human has. To find peace and equanimity within our daily actions, knowing that peace inwardly, even when others may perceive it as otherwise. As someone who has had many desires, and probably still has many, it is a freeing practice, though not without the resistance from within. I hear many who say they are free from all earthly desires, but then act in ways other than that. My thought is that when it happens, it is something I will know inwardly, there will be no need to share it with others. In the mean time, for each of us who struggles with less than enlightened thoughts, I wanted to share from my toolbox. "Those who say it, know it not. Those who know it, say it not." - Yogiraj Gurunath Siddhanath I most certainly still have desires, I am not yet a saint and maybe spinning that wheel for many incarnations to come, who knows. For a long time though, wanting to achieve freedom from many of my thoughts, I would see the desires within me, and stuff them down, believing inwardly they were wrong, or that they would prevent me from achieving the liberation I sought. Even worse, at times, believing that I had transcended those very desires. Some of this may have stemmed from my religious upbringing, where I was informed I would be punished if I broke the rules. Yoga simply provides a method by which it is known one can achieve liberation. It does not make the sins ( which simply means mistakes ) a BAD thing, simply a choice that takes us away from the ultimate liberation we seek. It was a breath of fresh air when I first read that in Yogananda's work. Stuffing those desires down though, making them bad, or at the very least fearing they would prevent me from achieving liberation, only forces them in to the shadow. A shadow which has played out for me in ways which were quite humiliating at times. The more we meditate, the more our shadow emerges in to our consciousness, and the better our opportunity to acknowledge the desire or habit beneath it, and attend to it in a gentle and compassionate way. A refusal to acknowledge, understand or love it now, will ultimately lead to it playing out in our life as some kind of drama or embarrassment. "Unless the desire to be special disappears, you will never be special. Unless you relax into your ordinariness, you will never relax.” - OSHO Certainly I have discovered desires which are of the heart, which can provide transitory joy on the planet, and I love seeing them manifest for me. Then there are definitely those desires I have which have been harmful to my evolution, and the lives of others. It can shocking when we stumble upon those in our own being, but I am ever grateful to yoga and the support from my yoga master in ridding myself of them. The hatred, the self loathing, the need to punish myself, the desire for revenge, the need for approval, the greed, the jealousy. These have all emerged within my awareness over the years, and it would be so easy to project it on to others. But through studying yoga, I know that I will only progress in life by conquering them in me. Before yoga, I did not believe I had the strength to face them within myself. “The peace of God is with them whose mind and soul are in harmony, who are free from desire and wrath, who know their own soul.” ― The Bhagavad Gita Whenever I sit with my own anger, I know a desire or a need is not being met. It is tempting to want to throw the anger at another person. "They made me angry because they did such and such" But that takes the focus off of me, and the need and desire I have. Not to mention it creates karmic patterns that will only make my journey more challenging. So instead, I need to be honest with myself and ask what desire or need I have. Sometimes that need can surface in moments, other times, it can take deeper questioning and more life experience to discover it. But it is never voiced and acknowledged, when I refuse to believe it is there, hoping I have already release it. Many times I find myself working through something I have already worked through, but I cannot judge it if I hope to master it. Once I am aware of the desire, I am able to let it go and ask for support in releasing it. Once I am aware of the need, I can make it happen for myself, or ask for support with that. As long as I deny it, it can have power over me. Letting go of the desire does not mean that it does not happen for me, it means that I will not allow myself to suffer because of it. My life has become much more enjoyable, and much more peaceful as my meditation practice has deepened and I have set myself free from the prison of guilt and shame. They still make themselves known from time to time, but that is the beauty of my practice, it gives me the strength to conquer even the most painful ones. Sometimes the meditations are an uphill paddle, with my monkey mind chattering away relentlessly, holding on to the belief it is in control of the bigger picture. Some days my mind is like a pond at dawn, undisturbed by even the sleeping swans. I truly look forward to that day when I have conquered the desires that leave me feeling imprisoned. Until that time, I will continue to listen inwardly to my intuition, and outwardly to the words of ones wiser than me, and commit to making the changes that will allow me to find greater peace, joy and love within. Not everyone values feeling, and for many who do, it feels like they are on their own in a world where others don't. In fact some people see it as a downright weakness that should be eliminated from our world. More and more people, however, are stepping in to the roles of leadership in work and business who do value feeling and are creating powerful change as a result. They are far from weak, embodying the gift of their intuition when making choices in life, and embodying the warrior archetype in healthy fullness in order to accomplish the challenging feats. Businesses where a nature of fun, love, appreciation and acknowledgement is encouraged. To attract these people and places in to your life, you may need to change some perceptions. Valuing feeling is something that would be considered a feminine trait, and for the purpose of explanation, that is the label I will use here. In a world that has been patriarchal in essence it is easy to see why this has been the case, but it does not have to be. Identify How You Treat Yourself Because Of Being A Feeling Person What most people have been shamed for in the past is being too emotional, too sensitive, moody, "bitchy", insecure or irrational. Some of those indeed can be the shadow side of emotional connection, and we must be aware of them. Shaming ourselves for being too emotional, will prevent us from ever allowing ourselves to truly feel the feelings in the future we want to feel more of - joy, peace, love, gratitude. Even though you may experience moments where you are TOO emotional, completely and deeply love and accept yourself. You are experiencing the emotion, you are not bad because of it. When you stop judging yourself for the trait, you can begin to make changes so that you are aware of feelings in a healthy manner. Oftentimes people who have stepped in to their power can be called bitches or assholes by those who feel challenged by them stepping in to their power. I have had clients called a bully in settings where they needed to be assertive. Be aware of the difference between being genuinely bitchy or a bully, and being empowered in such a way that others may feel defensive. You never need to exert power over another, only hold firm in it within yourself. Pure Feeling Is Not A Weakness, It Is A Strength That Uplifts Organisations And Relationships Gratitude, love, compassion, appreciation, forgiveness, intuition; these are all being brought more and more in to the workspace, despite resistance from those who see it as a weakness. In the work I did as a GratiDude I came across those who accepted it, and those who resisted it, and laughed at me, saying it was too touchy feely. That's ok, you can't please everyone. Those who have embraced it are creating flourishing organisations, with happy staff. It does not mean that they are not challenged, but it does mean that they have the tools at their disposal to deal with conflict when it arises, which it surely does. Intuition is one of the greatest gifts we have in our life, and in a world that has devalued feeling, it got kicked to the ground too. Harness the gift of intuition to do good in our world, make better choices, that align with the highest good for everyone. Expressing gratitude and appreciation to those you work and live with, in addition to the necessary feedback, will help to foster a happier environment. Being able to have open discussion, with compassionate listening, helps to build trust so that problems can be solved with greater ease. When you catch yourself thinking of yourself as weak for feeling any of these, remember the gift and value they bring. Embrace The Fullness Of The Warrior Within You. There is a need for the warrior archetype, often suppressed because of the negativity that the shadow nature has brought in to the world. The expressions of violence, overworking to the point of burnout, these are the shadow realm of the warrior. But there exist times when it is necessary for the warrior to show up in the world. The warrior who acts from a place of anger brings only harm upon himself and others. The warrior who is acting to fulfill a transpersonal goal, a service to humanity, and is able to remain emotionally detached in the heat of conflict, can bring much to the table. As long as he still embodies the compassion and caring in this role of the warrior too. Hence, being a warrior, and valuing feeling are not mutually exclusive. It is about knowing when to detach, and when to feel. Love does not always come across as flowery, it comes across strong and if that is what is needed to wake us up, then that is what is needed. Feeling has been perceived as a weakness by too many for too long. We are witnessing a spiritual revolution that is giving permission to people to be true to themselves. There are people who are walking around with imbalances when it comes to feeling, I have been that person myself, and it has been a process of growth. But as I have learned to embody the valuing of feeling with the warrior within me, I have been able to address life's challenges with greater ease. We all have our role to play in life and we need feeling to support us. To book a one-on-one session with Matthew, contact him at matthew@grailquestcoaching.com. The first session is complimentary and a great way to determine the value of future sessions on your own path. Matthew Ashdown is an intuitive personal life coach and speaker with his company Grail Quest Coaching, which focuses on supporting people on their journey of self-knowledge. Using wisdom from his foundation in Kriya Yoga practice, and his background as a Law of Attraction Coach, he joyfully guides others to find their authentic self. |
AuthorYoga, spirituality, science, adventures and more. These blogs are designed to uplift your days and help you find clarity. Archives
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