One of the aims of yoga is freedom from the desires every human has. To find peace and equanimity within our daily actions, knowing that peace inwardly, even when others may perceive it as otherwise. As someone who has had many desires, and probably still has many, it is a freeing practice, though not without the resistance from within. I hear many who say they are free from all earthly desires, but then act in ways other than that. My thought is that when it happens, it is something I will know inwardly, there will be no need to share it with others. In the mean time, for each of us who struggles with less than enlightened thoughts, I wanted to share from my toolbox.
"Those who say it, know it not. Those who know it, say it not."
- Yogiraj Gurunath Siddhanath
I most certainly still have desires, I am not yet a saint and maybe spinning that wheel for many incarnations to come, who knows. For a long time though, wanting to achieve freedom from many of my thoughts, I would see the desires within me, and stuff them down, believing inwardly they were wrong, or that they would prevent me from achieving the liberation I sought. Even worse, at times, believing that I had transcended those very desires. Some of this may have stemmed from my religious upbringing, where I was informed I would be punished if I broke the rules. Yoga simply provides a method by which it is known one can achieve liberation. It does not make the sins ( which simply means mistakes ) a BAD thing, simply a choice that takes us away from the ultimate liberation we seek. It was a breath of fresh air when I first read that in Yogananda's work.
Stuffing those desires down though, making them bad, or at the very least fearing they would prevent me from achieving liberation, only forces them in to the shadow. A shadow which has played out for me in ways which were quite humiliating at times. The more we meditate, the more our shadow emerges in to our consciousness, and the better our opportunity to acknowledge the desire or habit beneath it, and attend to it in a gentle and compassionate way. A refusal to acknowledge, understand or love it now, will ultimately lead to it playing out in our life as some kind of drama or embarrassment.
"Unless the desire to be special disappears, you will never be special. Unless you relax into your ordinariness, you will never relax.”
Certainly I have discovered desires which are of the heart, which can provide transitory joy on the planet, and I love seeing them manifest for me. Then there are definitely those desires I have which have been harmful to my evolution, and the lives of others. It can shocking when we stumble upon those in our own being, but I am ever grateful to yoga and the support from my yoga master in ridding myself of them. The hatred, the self loathing, the need to punish myself, the desire for revenge, the need for approval, the greed, the jealousy. These have all emerged within my awareness over the years, and it would be so easy to project it on to others. But through studying yoga, I know that I will only progress in life by conquering them in me. Before yoga, I did not believe I had the strength to face them within myself.
“The peace of God is with them whose mind and soul are in harmony, who are free from desire and wrath, who know their own soul.”
― The Bhagavad Gita
Whenever I sit with my own anger, I know a desire or a need is not being met. It is tempting to want to throw the anger at another person. "They made me angry because they did such and such" But that takes the focus off of me, and the need and desire I have. Not to mention it creates karmic patterns that will only make my journey more challenging. So instead, I need to be honest with myself and ask what desire or need I have. Sometimes that need can surface in moments, other times, it can take deeper questioning and more life experience to discover it. But it is never voiced and acknowledged, when I refuse to believe it is there, hoping I have already release it. Many times I find myself working through something I have already worked through, but I cannot judge it if I hope to master it.
Once I am aware of the desire, I am able to let it go and ask for support in releasing it. Once I am aware of the need, I can make it happen for myself, or ask for support with that. As long as I deny it, it can have power over me. Letting go of the desire does not mean that it does not happen for me, it means that I will not allow myself to suffer because of it. My life has become much more enjoyable, and much more peaceful as my meditation practice has deepened and I have set myself free from the prison of guilt and shame. They still make themselves known from time to time, but that is the beauty of my practice, it gives me the strength to conquer even the most painful ones.
Sometimes the meditations are an uphill paddle, with my monkey mind chattering away relentlessly, holding on to the belief it is in control of the bigger picture. Some days my mind is like a pond at dawn, undisturbed by even the sleeping swans. I truly look forward to that day when I have conquered the desires that leave me feeling imprisoned. Until that time, I will continue to listen inwardly to my intuition, and outwardly to the words of ones wiser than me, and commit to making the changes that will allow me to find greater peace, joy and love within.
11 Reasons People Die With Their Voice Inside Them And What You Can Do To Make Sure It Doesn't Happen To You
I don't want to die with my voice inside me. I have a book burning it's way through my imagination, and I am taking action daily to bring it about. Sometimes it is painful, sometimes it is effortless and joyful. But I have witnessed too many folks stuff their gift down and not share it with the world, and seen the regret it leaves in their hearts. Below are some of the reasons I have witnessed in myself and others in the years gone by, and suggestions for new questions to ask, or actions to take.
1) They don't have a strong enough vision or WHY. When you have a burning desire to make a change in the life of others, you will share your voice even when the greatest of obstacles present themselves. Sure, have a vision for the lifestyle you want to live, but also, hold a vision of the way you want to impact the world with your service. Whether it is building a wellness facility, setting up a healing practice, or writing books, have a clear vision of what you would like to accomplish, and have flexibility with the way it looks. Focus on the feeling you wish to experience within yourself upon the living of that vision. The inner peace, the happiness, the confidence, the compassion, the love. Imagine them in to your reality. Focus on the WHY, the reason that you are doing this. It will stretch you and it will thrill you if you are on track.
2) They don't have a clear vision of who they are being called to become. You may be so afraid of your power and what you can do, that you may shy away from it. You may have noticed so many more bad examples of what people do with their power, that you are turned off by it. What is important is that you get clear on who you want to become when you are in your power and stay focused on that. If you feel that there is too much manipulating in the world, then be clear on the fact that you are offering your work to those who will truly benefit knowing that you are the best thing for them. Otherwise you end up fearing the manipulative side of yourself that remains unclaimed within yourself. Who will you need to become in order to fulfill your vision?
3) They are afraid to be seen or heard because others will judge or criticise them. This is often the toughest for the creative who feels unappreciated for their work, or the intuitive who feels the same, sharing with people who hold different values. Part of your process of mastery is to develop an immunity to these, because you will receive it, like it or not. The question is not whether others will judge you, but how you will handle it, and whether you will judge yourself. Believe in yourself even when it seems like the world does not and you will be able to make waves. Remain free of the opinions of the others and your self esteem on this path will flourish.
4) They believe they have nothing unique to contribute. This is a fear of people in any profession, in any endeavour in life. You are unique and have your own unique spin on things. You are a unique individual with a unique soup of challenges you have overcome and stories to tell. There are people on this planet who are going to be attracted to the authentic you and benefit from the work that you do. So instead of fearing that you are not unique, spend time determining why you are. Keep asking the question until you feel the certainty in it: "What makes me/my message unique?"
5) They believe they don't have enough education. Even those with multiple PhDs after their name struggle with this. If you are intuitively guided to seek out more education, then seek it out and do it, but you do not want to do it from a place of believing you don't have enough formal education. Ultimately it comes down to your own confidence in yourself. It takes daily positive self talk to guide you in to becoming that person you want to become. I have worked with many who have degrees our the yin yang but lack the confidence to get their message across. If you have education, what aspect of it did you enjoy most and how can you apply that to the work that you do? There is always more to learn, but that should not prevent us from taking steps forward on our path.
6) They don't want to have to promote themselves. With the advent of the internet, the possible ways of sharing your passions, creativity and expertise with the world have increased exponentially. Whether you are an author published with a major publishing company, or you have a healing or holistic health business, you will need to promote and sell yourself and that is something a lot of people don't like to hear. It is usually because of what they believe about salesmen and marketers. There are thousands of marketing professionals out there who can guide you on your path. What you need to ask yourself is, "Who is the best coach to help me with the success of my vision." Martin Luther King and Gandhi were incredible promoters, not of themselves, but of their cause. But they also had to believe they were the right person for the job. You need to be the best promoter of your personal gift, and believe that you are the person to share it with others.
7) They don't believe they have enough time. If your vision is important enough to you, you will find and create the time to make it happen, even if it is 15 - 20 minutes a day in the beginning. And if it is something that your heart truly wants to do, then it will not feel like a burden. You would be able to do it in the middle of the night if you had to, like I did in writing this blog when the inspiration hit me at a ridiculous hour. What time wasters can you eliminate from your schedule? How much time can you dedicate to your passion? Once you have answered these questions, you will then be able to find ways to bring it in to your schedule. I have seen the busiest of single moms able to follow their calling and still maintain healthful relationships. It requires an honest evaluation of how you are spending each moment of time, but it is amazing what time we can find when we are committed.
8) They don't have enough money. The other big deterrent for many. Keep your day job, while you build your passion. At some point you will have to make the leap, but listen to intuition and the guidance of others. Some of my early mistakes were made by jumping ship too early. Gratitude really is the practice that will make the difference here. The more you are able to look at what you have in your life and appreciate it, the more that you will be able to create your future from a mindset of abundance versus a mindset of lack. When you create from this space you welcome in new opportunities with ease, you feel more at peace in your day to day, and you recognise that you have enough of the spiritual qualities that really make a difference to create in your outer world.
9) They have to wait until xyz happens. Too many people say they will start working on their true calling when xyz happens. The trouble is for a lot of people, xyz never happens. What small step can you take today? Don't fall in to the trap of getting completely overwhelmed with all that needs to happen in order to bring about your vision. Remember that you will get there by taking one step at a time. What is the next step you need to take to bring about your vision?
10) They are paralysed by a fear of failure. If you are like me, and most who have achieved success, then you will make mistakes along the way. We cannot fear making mistakes, we cannot fear the failure, if we are to achieve anything in this short life of ours. If at this time you fear failure, acknowledge it, and remind yourself that the past does not equal the future. Just because you failed in the past, does not mean it will happen this time. Forgive yourself for your previous failures if you blame yourself. What were the gifts in your failures? When you can adopt this attitude moving forward you will no longer fear failure, you will seek to find the valuable lesson in it.
11) They believe nobody will value the work. Others will value your work when you value your work. You may be surrounded by friends who are as equally gifted as you, or in the same space in life as you. So nothing you give them may seem to make a difference. Again, you may feel unappreciated. We tend to surround ourselves with likeminded people, so no wonder you can feel that way, if you are talking to the converted. Think back to who you were 3 years ago, even 6 months ago. Who are the people who would benefit from your gifts and services? They are who you were at one point. Who values your work? These are completely different questions that will pull you in a completely different direction. They are likely not your close circle of friends, but an altogether new group of people who you can truly benefit.
Your voice is a great healing gift to the world, but if you are letting any of the above stop you from taking action today, you are depriving the world of your gift. If you have not been able to affect the lives that you want to, you need to ask some new questions, take some new actions. Seek out guidance from another who can begin to support you so that your gift can and will benefit others. But please, please, please, don't die with your voice inside you, your gifts are needed on this planet now, more than ever.
Learn ways to overcome your self criticism, fear of failure, and build your confidence to become an inspiration to others as you share the healing power of your voice. Through skype sessions or in person meetings I am here to support with my coaching practice. Contact me here to receive a complimentary coaching session so that you can get clear on the next steps you can take to step in to your vision.
” I consider working with Matthew to be one of the greatest gifts I’ve received in this life.
I am a deeply intuitive and spiritual woman and I do often feel isolated because of that. I’ve also experienced the difficulty of finding some one who I can trust to help me and to understand all the intricacies of being how I am.
I’ve found Matthew’s coaching style to be effortlessly natural and spot on the money when it comes to quickly identifying the core issues troubling me. Then I’ve watched week after week as old patterns that have plagued me my whole life fall away as easy as breathing.
Matthew is incredibly kind. He is I think the most non-judgmental and self responsible person I have ever met. His openess and ability to just be so human about it all gives space for the miraculous to happen. His intuition is very strong and his knowledge comes from already having done the work himself."
Cary Rae Biem
Tim: "Follow. But. Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth."
King Arthur: "What an eccentric performance."
This scene in "Monty Python And The Holy Grail" can be a warning to us all. We think it is harmless, but what is the belief system that will take you off your quest? What are the fears and the doubts? The best thing to do is avoid what some of these knights did, and be willing to ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it could just make the difference on your journey. Click here to find out how I can help you on your Grail Quest and avoid getting into the mess these chaps did.
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